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cathyn: (Default)
This will start out sounding braggy, but stick with me, please.

When I was very young, I had a talent for math. This talent was sharpened by a teacher that thought group punishment for individual transgression was proper, so if one kid was acting up, everyone did multiplication tables. 1x1=1, 1x2=2...12x12=144 and all points in between. I hated it at the time, but it was actually a huge favor. It unlocked a door in my brain, and I could just solve things in my head, fast. So fast that in 4th grade, I was "skipped" to 6th grade. This didn't work out well, as all the much bigger 6th graders just bullied me into doing their homework for them and I failed my way back to my regular classmates.

I did, however keep just effortlessly keep crushing it in math classes. In 8th grade I had some bull-headed wrestling that somehow was also teaching Accelerated Algebra, and he hated me, not sure why. As an adult, I have realized he should never have been a teacher. "Show your work" is a tool, a thing that if a student is getting the wrong answers, you can look at their paper go step by step through their work, and teach them when they strayed from the path. In his hands it was a bludgeon, not used to teach you where you went wrong, but just a place to score you lower if you didn't include it. My ability to look at problems and know the answer confounded him, and he daily wanted to see how I did it. "I looked at it and just knew the answer" wasn't a simple statement to him, but a challenge. He would assign homework, I'd do it, turn it in, get all the answers correct, and get a 25% because I didn't show my work. My mother lost her shit. He was told by the Principal that if I had the correct answer, regardless of how I got it, I got full credit for the question. Problem (temporarily) solved.

Then came Geometric Proofs. He'd provide the problem and the answer, and the students were to step by step solve the problem, naming the mathematical law used for each step, like "POO" which is the Property of Opposites. I sucked at this. I even invented by own mathematical law "PVO," Process of Visual Observation. That lasted for one assignment, and he actually commended my cleverness, and promptly banned made-up laws. The end result was that, by the end of the year, he had completely stamped out both my ability to do anything but the most rudimentary arithmetic (thanks, multiplication table drills!) in my head, and any love I had had for math. Possibly the worst teacher I ever had.
cathyn: (GIR Dead)
As previously mentioned, I had a (*very* minor) stroke two Novembers ago. While I was there, *everyone* that listened to my heart said "Did you know you have a heart murmur?" Yes, yes I did. See, where in the normal heart people usually have a bicuspid valve, and a tricuspid valve, I have a mutation that turned caused my tricuspid to also be a bicuspid. Normally people with this condition have significant leaking in the deformed valve, but luckily I escaped this. As I've gotten older, however, I've developed a little stenosis, which is like hardening of the arteries, but in a valve, particularly my Aortic valve. This *is* causing the valve to not open fully, making my heart have to pump even harder to get enough blood out to the periphery. The upshot is, next week, I'm having a thoracic CT scan to determine if the last time I had open heart surgery they did anything weird like wire my ribs together or anything else that could surprise the cardiologist this time when they're doing open heart surgery*. After the Doctor views these results, they'll do an angiogram to see if I should also have a bypass while they're in there, and then they'll get me on the schedule, open my chest up, and replace my fucked up valve with one taken from a cow or pig**. The best part of all of this is that, according to the cardiologist, as my condition has been slowly deteriorating over the past few years, once they get it fixed, I shouldn't just feel good, but I should get back to feeling much much better, like I did before the valve started failing.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little afraid of all of this. Things are pretty fucked up in the world with the virus, burgeoning fascism right here in River City (by which I mean the whole fucking county), and now the fucking fires. In fact, my CT has been delayed over a week because the hospital where they'll be doing the test has been under Evacuation Alert since the fires got close. So, yeah, I'm sorta getting by, maybe doing a bit more Green Day ("I'm not sick, but I'm not well...") in my head than I should. I project a good game online, but to say "I'm not 100% right now" is both accurate, and an understatement.

So, yeah, another open heart surgery. At least the Doctor is pretty sure that pain management will be easy, unlike it might be if/when I get the ankle replacement I desperately need.



* Your thoracic surgeon should never, ever, be surprised by what they find in your chest.

** There was an option for them to replace my valve with the cow/pig part, or a mechanical part. I chose the "biological" option over the biomechanical option based on one factor. The biomechanical valve would never be replaced, while the biological will wear out in about ten years, BUT the biomechanical valve would require that I be on blood thinners for the rest of my life, and I am already taking enough pills every day. The biological valve can be replaced very easily by going in through my femoral artery, probably under local anesthesia.

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cathyn

December 2021

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